BESTSELF™ ICEBREAKER | Dreams 23
WHAT ARE YOUR CORE VALUES?
I’ve spent much of my life trying on the masks handed down to me from the generations who passed before me. I learned plenty while rejecting much.
I’d try on an attitude, belief, and desire for a time only to realize that I am not a mean girl. I’m all the things my mother railed against when I was younger and have consciously spent the better part of the last ten years trying to be that person again, the true me.
Who is she?
A woman who lives her life in gratitude. Once I learned to allow gratitude to lead the way in all things, there was no turning back! It took a lot of time and un-learning of those things I thought were true. It doesn’t mean that bad things don’t happen anymore, but that they are approached with a sense of gratitude, kindness, and appreciation. In all situations the questions are: what is this situation teaching me and where do I need to feel grateful?
A woman who believes that, without exception, you must give credit where it’s due and not take it for yourself. Unless you did something worthy of praise - don’t steal that praise from someone else. Don’t take credit for anything that is not yours. Raise up and spotlight the accomplishments of others. Be a safe place for those you admire and certainly protect the vulnerable and less fortunate among us.
A woman who has long stopped throwing others under the bus to save my own skin. I own all of my choices, the good ones as well as the disastrously stupid ones! In late spring, I was reminded of how much it hurt when, in order to save face, someone who is supposed to love me lied to save face - her face, not a care in the world about mine. It backfired, as it always does. Secrets and lies come back to bite us - hard.
A woman who will call out the elephant in the room. I will give it a name, I will pour it some tea. Some consider me to be “impolite” because it makes them uncomfortable. I don’t know how honesty and integrity is uncomfortable but I recognize that I was raised by a generation who lie, manipulate, and keep secrets like I breathe. They normalized a transactional agenda-based behaviour. I’m trying to normalize truth, candour and acceptance of personal choices.
A woman who believes in the natural flow of the seasons, the phases of the moon, equinoxes and solstices, trusting your intuition and allowing space for growth and manifestation. I believe that practices that have been around for a millennia need to be honoured and trusted. I believe that everything is fluid - finances, gender, politics, tastes and beliefs. I show up for those things that most resonate in my heart.
A woman who knows to my bones that being sensitive, gentle, and kind (not nice) is a superpower. I refuse to apologize for feeling things, indeed, feeling things deeply. My empathy is integral to how I show up in the world - as a citizen, a mother, a friend. Crying is now encouraged, heartbreak expected.
A woman who shows up, always, and has un-learned keeping score (such an unattractive quality in a person) or holding a grudge. I mind my own business and take care of my own backyard before I look at another. I keep judgment and criticism to myself - if anything, if I see something to judge or criticize it’s time to figure out a SOLUTION and help. I don’t simply pile on complaints. Any Pavlovian urge to shame, blame, judge, or guilt needs to be quashed immediately. Remember: everyone is doing the best they can. (It might not be the best I can, or I deserve, but it’s their best.) I honour my hard-earned boundaries. I refuse to be around anyone who makes me feel badly about myself or my choices - they can be who they are, but I don’t have to be in their orbit.
A woman who believes that what is meant for me will find me - only if I am who I want to find. There is one person I have to live with - me. Be the me that I want to live with - every minute of every day. At this point, I’ve done “the work” not that I’ll ever be finished, but great strides have been made. Love will find me. Joy will find me. I will find me. I wake up every day and become more of the best version of myself.
A woman who dares to ask for more. Sometimes even demand more.
A woman who laughs. I laugh a lot - especially at myself.
There’s still a lot of work for me to do. I’m shit at holding space; I want to fix things to make life easier - for everyone but mostly me. I still find it hard to sit still in discomfort. I can hold a lot of pain while simultaneously making life easier for everyone involved. I need to learn to sit in the pain and not just allow it to motivate me.